The Mystery of the Pasture Chase

It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a kick rang out. Well, it wasn't night and it wasn't stormy but it was a kick. Doesn't work for the start of a horse story, does it. Lets try this again.

My name is Dweeb, Doofus Dweeb. I'm a Private Eye. When you have questions, I find answers. On a good day, your questions get answers, on a bad day, my friend Jack Daniels answers my questions. Or at least makes me forget them for a while.


A dame who runs a small barn called me. Things weren't right in her pasture. The tenants were restless and she wanted to know why. I met her at her barn, figured I could ask the dame and her dad a few questions. These were the facts. It was a cold and crisp Saturday afternoon. The dame and her dad had just returned to their barn after a day at the fair grounds. They were working in the barn, getting some chow ready for the critters that lived in the pasture.

They were being watched by the brown and the dirty white critter. They heard the sound of hard hoofs scrambling across the frozen ground and when they looked up, the saw the brown critter throw a kick at the black critter. The black beastie ran off and the brown one spun on her heals and gave chase. The black beastie ran with the brown hot an her tail, bitting at her flank. Sounded like a clear cut case of bullying. But they wanted answers so I had to figure out why the brown didn't like the black. Had to be bullying. I snapped a picture of the black beast. With a face that cute, the brown could only be jealous.

So, I went to work. I went to interview the tenants. They were big, really big. I grilled them, I grilled them hard but they weren't talking. Their lips were shut tight. I tried loosening them with peppermints. They ate my peppermints, but they didn't crack. I wasn't going to get anything out of them. So I watched them. I figured they would give something away if I watched them long enough. Finally, they cracked. Here is what went down.

The brown horse is queen of the pasture. She is a benevolent queen, letting her subjects eat with her when they're hungry and only pinning her ears to remind them whose on top when needed. The black horse was, and remains, envious. She wants the top spot. When the dame and her dad had distracted the brown and the dirty white with the possibility of food, the black saw her chance. She snuck up behind the brown and dirty white, no easy feat with those steel shoes, and fired a kick off at the brown. The brown reacted and fired off a kick of her own. The dame and her dad looked up just in time to see the brown take her second shot at blackie. When blackie ran, brownie followed, bitting at blackies butt so that blackie would not forget who the queen is. And then it was over.

I told the dame what had happened and she seemed satisfied. I told the dame that if she washed that dirty white horse it would look a lot better. She showed me the door. It was a good day, though. Her questions got answered. Now to go answer a few of mine.

I'm Dweeb, DoofusDweeb . Call me when you need answers.